How Are You...For Real?

Often times, especially in the black community, we are taught to keep our emotions and feelings to ourselves. When anyone asks how you're doing, you're taught to say "I'm good" no matter how you may feel inside. According to our parents, if you express yourself, you're weak and you need to toughen up. To society, if you ask for help, you're "crazy." So instead of taking the necessary steps to reach a healthy mental state, we push our emotions to the bottom of our priority list and put on our best face for the world to see. Honestly, can we talk about how draining that is? To constantly pretend like life is always great, to try to be strong for everyone else when really you could use a helping hand, too. The reality is that every day isn't going to be perfect and it's okay to have feelings. Now if you can admit that you bottle up your thoughts and emotions each day, imagine what your friends and loved ones are going through that they hide from you.

I'll never forget the day that gave me this perspective. My younger brother called me on his birthday. He wanted to see how I was doing and tell me about his day. The conversation was going well and he seemed cheerful. As the conversation continued, I began to hear a change in his tone. I asked him if he was okay and he suddenly burst into tears. Of all my years living under the same roof as him, I had never heard my brother cry. For the first time, he expressed emotions that I never even knew that he was capable of having. I felt so hurt that he never thought to talk to me about it. But I couldn't blame him because he was raised like a typical black man. He was rewarded for keeping secrets and was molded by words like, "A man doesn't cry. Toughen up." That phone call has since made me more aware of the people around me.

One thing I've learned from studying my loved ones ever since then is how to read their actions. I've noticed that my friends who always seem the happiest or the most put together need to vent the most. If you have some friends in your circle who fit that description, check on them. That friend who always seems to have advice for everyone else or that you think is so strong, take time out of your day to ask them how they're doing. If you feel like something is up, don't take "fine" for an answer. Even if they don't admit it, I'm sure that they will appreciate the fact that you care that much about their well being. It's important that our generation encourages transparent dialogue and makes self expression the norm. It's so vital and healthy. Help your loved ones understand that no matter what they think, they are never alone as long as you are in their life. Check on their mental health. Do what you can to make them smile! These little things can save your loved ones from depression, suicidal thoughts, and more. Despite the fact that people don't like to talk about it, these things are real and happen all the time. It's time to stop ignoring the signs and start asking "How are you doing?" and meaning it. And for that stubborn person reading this who "isn't emotional," be real with yourself. Expressing yourself doesn't always mean you have to cry. Even if you do, it doesn't make you any less stronger than you were before. If anything, hiding from your feelings is weaker. And to that person who may be battling with depression and trying to determine if they're happy or not, remember two things: 1. Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances. 2. You know you're at peace when everything around you is falling apart, yet you can still sit back and enjoy life because you know that the Lord will take care of you.

If someone came to mind while reading this, give them a call. You never know the impact you may have on their life.